What Lies Beyond Hope
by Vivious Circle
Summary: When soul dies, when time ends, when love fades, when bond breaks...


It's been five days... but he could still remember every detail as if it happened only seconds ago. Five days... Suldanesselar was slowly recovering after Exile's assault. The massacre in elven city left many victims, even among a seasoned group of adventurers such as theirs, but helpful priests of Rillifane aided Jaheira in returning all their fallen comrades to life. All but one.

Tears didn't fall anymore. After five days he had no more tears to cry.

The scene once again played before his eyes. A bright explosion of crimson light roaring through the battle among the branches of the sacred Tree of Life. Irenicus gaping at an open hole in his abdomen, his self-satisfied smirk disappearing from his face. Victory. A sudden rush of emotions - hope, relief, joy. And then one look at her face changing it all. The most beautiful face he had ever seen. The most beautiful face now twisted in pain and fear.

"And to think that for a moment I thought that everything is going to be alright. A fool." He didn't snort. He wanted to die and never feel the irony of the situation.

It seemed back then, that the time stopped when she made one shaky step forward. Two steps. Three.

And fell.

He caught her before she hit the ground searching madly for a wound, a spellmark - anything! - he could stop or heal to make her safe, happy, protected in his arms forever. Her hand clutched his mage's robes. He watched herhelplessly when she opened her mouth to say something - a confession? A farewell? Only a barely audible sight escaped her lips and she died.

He didn't realize he was screaming her name until Minsc brushed him aside to let Jaheira try her healing spells.

She would fail. He knew that already because of the sharp pain in his chest. A pain like a stab in a heart, hurting the very core of his being. He never experienced anything even remotely that hurtful but recognized it in an instant. Their bond was broken. Her soul was gone.

Suddenly a cacophony of voices hit him when he looked around. Imoen crying, Jaheira's cursing and trying yet another spell already knowing it's hopeless. Few leaves still burning after the last magic fires of the battle. He moved to her side. Did he walk or just crawl? He didn't remember. It didn't matter anyway. Her hand was still warm but wouldn't be in only few minutes. With eyes closed she looked more peaceful than he could remember in last two months, but he would not mistake it for sleeping. He watched her sleep more times he could count and it never filled him with the choking sense of dread he felt now.

A yellow spark emerged fom her finger dancing freely in the wind. He watched it not understanding. It all seemed strange, unreal. It simply couldn't be true. She was the strongest - she would never end like that! They faced so many trials together, that he would never belive anyone could survive, more than that, thrive in such situations. She was always triumphant, always determined against the odds. In his fear gave him courage, in tiredness her youth. He didn't name her his hope without a reason.

Another spark flashed before disappearing with the wind. It was impossible that she was dead. It was impossible that he would never hold her hand again. It was impossible...

A storm of golden sparks surrounded him as her body dissolved into dust. He saw it many times in his dreams, in his worst nightmares, only this time she wasn't there to wake him up, to hug him, to tell him that all is not doomed. He clung to her body in vain attempt to make her stay.

It was over in seconds. He looked at a fine crafted pearl necklace that slid from under her clothes into his hand.

/"You always stash jewelry somewhere and wear plain runes instead of rings and necklaces. But... perhaps, some day, you will change this custom? Starting now..."/

He screamed again.

He must have fainted because the next time he opened his eyes he saw a room decorated in elven style. His old and worn robes were gone, instead he was wearing new white tunic. All his bruises and cuts were healed, but it did not make him feel good. He stared at the ceiling feeling detached from time and reality.

He tried to comprehend the thought that she was gone. It felt too absurd to be real. His thoughts were chaotic, he couldn't concentrate. What about their future? Was it gone too? But they planned so many things... they would travel together some more. He would show her the desert and she wanted to have children.

Someone entered the room but he didn't care enough to shift his gaze from the ceiling. The newcomer was saying something, tried to shake his shoulder, but eventually resigned and left him to his thoughts. The necklace was still in his hand and he descended in to the maze his mind was once more.

It's been five days now. He looked through the window at the Tree of Life. He wasn't ready left his silent room yet. His companions were bringing empty worlds of consolation every day. He was forcing food into himself internally hating it for still being able to feed, like if nothing happened, like her death was just one of many events in his long life.

He realized he didn't die when the bond was broken like many of his kin only because it would have no point. In life or in death he couldn't be with her anymore. He would go to Arvandor or to Nine Hells to find her but she wouldn't be there. He knew what happens with Bhallspawns after their death. He couldn't follow her. There was no one to follow anymore.

It was hopeless.

She stood before a large stone door circulated by five unblinking eyes, their stare always centered on her. Five Tears of Bhaal brightened in her pack...


End file.
